The Wack Album

The Lonely Island The Wack Album Lyrics
1.YOLO

YOLO, you only live once.
The battle cry of a generation.
This life is a precious gift.
So don't get too crazy,
It's not worth the risk.

You know that we are still young.
So don't be dumb.
Don't trust anyone,
Cause you only live once.

Ugh, you only live once,
That's the motto.
So take a chill pill,
Ease off the throttle.

Never go to loud clubs
Cause it's bad for your ears.
Your friends will all be sorry
When they can't hear.

And stay the hell away from drugs
Cause they're not legal.
Then bury all your money in the backyard
Like a beagle.

Cause you should never trust a bank
They've been known to fail.
And never travel by car, a bus,
Boat or by rail.

And don't travel by plane.
And don't travel at all.
Built a bomb shelter basement
With titanium walls.

And wear titanium suits
In case pianos fall on you
And never go in saunas
Cause they're crawlin' with piranhas.

And never take the stairs
Cause they're often unsafe.
You only live once,
Don't let it go to waste.


Yeah, and here's another piece of advice:
Stay away from kids
Cause their hair is filled with mad lice.

There's no such thing
As too much Purell.
This a cautionary tale,
Word to George Orwell.

So don't 1980 force
Any plugs into sockets.
Always wear a chastity belt
And triple lock it.

Then hire a taster
Make him check your food for poison.
And if you think your mailman is a spy
Then destroy him.

No blankets or pajamas
They can choke you in your sleep.
Two words about furniture:
Killing machines.

Board your windows up,
The sun is bad for your health.
And always wear a straight jacket
So you're safe from yourself.

Take no chances, stop freelancin'
Invest in your future, don't dilute your finances
401K, make sure it's low risk
Then get some real estate
4.2%, Thirty year mortgage,
That's important, that's a great deal
And if you can't afford it, don't forge it on your last bill
Renting is for suckers right now, a dependable savings
And you'll retire with money in your account.
Beast.

YOLO, say no no.
Isolate yourself
And just roll solo
Be care-folo
You oughta look out
Also stands for YOLO.
You know that we are still young.
Burn the prints off your thumbs.
Then pull out all your teeth,
So you can't bite your tongue.
Only on this earth for a short time, time
So don't go outside, cause you don't want to die, die.


2.3-Way (The Golden Rule)

(Andy)
Back in that ass...

(Andy & Justin)
Your mom says hi, JINX!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no

Y-y-yeah, y-y-yeah
Y-y-yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(Justin)
JAM!

(Andy)
Summertime in the city
And everybody's having sex

(Justin)
You know, I just got a page from a girl
That I met last week at the Payless(Andy: Shoe Source...)

(Andy)
I also have a cutie to call
Who loves the way I knock on her boots

(Justin)
Well, it's time to mack
Let's handle that
In 2 to 6 hours
We'll meet back and regroup

(Both)
So let's shoop!

(Andy)
Roll up to the crib
With some Bartles and James

(Justin)
Hop off the bus
With the Alizé

(Andy)
Now hold up, playa
What you diggity-doin here?

(Justin)
I should diggity-ask you the same!(Andy: Then she says...)

(Gaga)
Hey, boys, I want you both
I hope that you think that's cool(Both: Say word?)
I know most guys won't freak together

(Both)
But she forgot about the golden rule
Ah-hah-hah

(Chorus)
It's okay
When it's in a 3-way
It's not gay
When it's in a 3-way
With a honey in the middle
There's some leeway
The area's grey
In a 1-2-3-way

(Andy)
Normally, I don't get down with dudes

(Justin)
But tonight is a special exception(Gaga: Great...)

(Both)
See, you're my best friend
Through thick and thin

(All)
Now it's time to make a triple connection(Andy: Lights off...)

(Andy)
Here in the dark...(Justin: Here in the dark...)
It's hard to tell...(Justin: So hard to tell...)
Where her body ends...(Gaga: La la....)
And my homie's begins...(Justin: Hoo-Wee!)
This rule dates back...(Justin: The golden rule...)
To ancient Greece...(Justin: Talkin' bout Caesar...)
We're 2 Jack Trippers and a Chrissy

(Both)
The new Three's Company!

(Gaga)
You guys are still here

(Chorus)
It's okay
When it's in a 3-way
It's not gay
When it's in a 3-way
With a honey in the middle
There's some leeway
The area's grey
In a 1-2-3-way

(Andy)
Fellas, get ready
To impress a chick
Helicopter dick, Go!
Helicopter dick(Justin: Uh!)
Helicopter dick(Justin: Alright!)
To impress a chick
Do the Helicopter dick!(Gaga: Wow...)

(Both)
And all of that was okay
Cause it was in a 3-way
It's quite clear
When you see the instant replay
'Baby,two is enough'
That's what they'll say
But we'll say 'Hell no'
1-2-3 way

(All)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(Andy)
The Golden Rule...


3.Spring Break Anthem

I'm gonna need all the hot girls to come onto the stage right
now.
Fellas, let me hear you make some noise!

Kings of the pussy, pounding on brewskies,
Banging chicks right there in the sand,
Bros before hoes and chicks with no clothes and
Slammin' shots and marry a man!

(Cancun) party down,

Pranks when you're passed out, jokes about roofies,
Making girls kiss, marry a man!
Giant sombreros, show us your titties,
Creatine shakes, marry a man!

(SPRING BREAK Y'ALL! )

Oh shit! I'm too fucked up! Puke and rally, that's what's up!
Booze cruise, raise your glass, snort that coke, off her ass!

Two chicks at the dance hall, take it to the damn stalls,
Trade these beads for their bra!
So-Co in my canteen, got girls jumpin' on a trampoline,
Two men bound by the law!

Trashing hotel rooms, clogging up toilets,
Beer goggles if she's a hag,
Planning the menu, picking out flowers,
Nailing sluts and writing our vows!

Down here it's our time! Springbreakers, let's get fucked up!
Then find Mister Right and get monogamous,
Picking our invite font as a twosome,
Something tasteful but not too bland,
Seating arrangements, charming the in-laws,
Ripping beer bongs, sex with a man!

We'll be so happy, true love forever,
Two kings walking hand in hand,
Promise to cherish, trust and respect him,
Crushing pussy, marry a man!

(Spring... break! )


4.I Fucked My Aunt

Damn, I fucked my aunt.
I can't believe I fucked my aunt.
I f*cked my aunt y'all

I was thirteen, skinny little freckle-faced kid.
Growin' up in the country felt like doin' a bid
But the summers were my favorite when we swam in the lake
And trips to the city, what a magical place.
First baseball game, man, I'll never forget.
Crackerjacks, bleacher seats and the crack of the bat.
My friend Tim caught a ball, but he gave it to me.
And five years later, I fucked my aunt.

Damn, I fucked my aunt.
I can't believe that I fucked my aunt.
Man, I really fucked my aunt.
I fucked my aunt, y'all

Rainstorms always give me the blues.
Worst one in ten years on the evening news.
She rode her bike over cause the streets was closed.
My aunt standing there in soaking wet clothes.
We opened some wine and laughed like kids.
She told me funny things that her and my mom did.
But then my uncle called and she had to go.
And twelve years later, I fucked her sister.

Damn I fucked my aunt.
Can you believe that I fucked my aunt?
Man, I guess I fucked my aunt.
I fucked my aunt y'all

It was my eighteenth birthday, the world was still new.
My parents threw me a party as parents will do.
My uncle's wife gave me a punny gift
It was an ant farm; man, she was a trip.
Later that night I was up in my room.
I watched as the small ant community bloomed.
So simple, yet so complex, I contemplated my own life
And wondered what would come next.
I took out my favorite ant and crushed it with my dick.
And also, I fucked my aunt.

Damn, I fucked my ant.
And I fucked my aunt.

Man, we fucked our aunts.
We fucked our aunts y'all.

Oh, I can't believe it.
They fucked their aunts.
I mean, I fucked my aunt too.
But you don't see me making songs about it.
Although we technically didn't have sex.
Just some above the clothes stuff.
And some under the clothes stuff.
I mean what is sex really?
Is it just penetration?
Or do you have to finish?
Cause I finished.

Damn, I fucked my aunt y'all


5.Semicolon

feat. Maya Rudolph & Solange Knowles


Okay everyone,
Welcome to grammar class
Today we're learning about semicolons
Oh, oh, oh
Yes, Lonely Island?
We use semicolons everyday
Can you give me an example?
Oh, hell yeah

Get ready for a whale of a time: Shamu
My whole team coming clean: shampoo
These dudes is comic relief: Whoopie
And I'm the motherfucking monster: cookie
When you see me better cross the street: Frogger
Then go home and write about it: blogger
Did I do that? Urkel
Yo Angela, Who's The Boss? Merkel
I'll take you where you've never been: Oxnard
Then make you suck a bulls' nut: ox nard
If Miss Moore married Josh: Demi Brolin
A comma and a fucking dot: semicolon

We run these streets: stop lights
All eyes on me: spot lights
Each semicolon brings us closer to the top

I'm loud and I'm zipping around: jet ski
Your dick is little like Wayne: Gretsky
But Gretsky's got a big dick: clarification
Everyone who's rude to me: Paris vacation
My stomach's getting fat: food
Leave trash inside my car: rude
You're acting all Machio: Ralph
But I'll eat all you cats: Alf

We run the game: umpire
Always chase the night: young squire
These semicolons are my light inside the dark

It's right under your nose, semicolon: mouth
Opposite of north, semicolon: south
Right over your home, semicolon: attic
Hooked on semicolons, semicolon: addict

We got the game on lock: toy chest
You're too big for your clothes: boys vest
You know we out of control: no brakes
Your birthday party sucked: no cakes

When it comes to punctuation
You know we're number one
And to the people of every nation
Feel the power of the semicolon

Semicolons,
We rest our case
No actually those are examples of colons
You all get F's
Wait, what?


6.Diaper Money

Intro

K:Lonely Island, we've been in it for a minute now.
This some grown man shit.

Verse 1

K: I got that diaper money, I got that diaper money, dude.
I got that diaper money, I'm a grown ass man.

Yo, I got that diaper money cause my kids need to shit.
So I stay on my hustle to keep my pocketbook thick.

I got papers and papers and papes, all for my baby's mistakes.
Just so my carpets and drapes don't get shit on âem.

K: I got that diaper money, I got that diaper money, dude.
I got that diaper money, I'm a grown ass man.

Verse 2

J-ORGUS
J: I got that wife pussy, I got that wife pussy.
I got that wife pussy, I got that pussy on lock.

I got that wife pussy on lock 24/7.
Whenever she lets me i'm in same pussy heaven.

And the best part about it is no one else can have it.
And also I can't have it, unless she says I can.

See a girl on the street and I can't, so I won't.
See my wife at home and I would, but she hates my guts.

Wife pussy, I got that wife pussy.
I got that wife pussy, I got that pussy on lock.

Verse 3

YOUNG SANDWICH
A: I got that grave plot, I got that grave plot.
I got that grave plot, it's right off the highway.

Wobble-dy, wobble-dy, drop. Into my grave plot.

You afraid of death, well I'm afraid not.
Cause I got the bomb spot, right off the highway.

I did it my way, a very small percent of the time way.
I got my coffin picked out. Styrofoam painted like wood, tricked
out.

It's even got handles to lower me smooth.
And my tombstone only has minimal typos.

Grave plot, I got that grave plot.
I got that grave plot, right next to my dad.

Verse 4

K: I got that diaper money.

J: I got that wife pussy.

A: I got that grave plot.

ALL: I'm a grown ass man.


7.Dramatic Intro

If you are under 30 and you're totally cool then you absolutely
know these guys
So The Lonely Island, it moved
The Lonely Island!
Okay, now this is just a broadcast
This in my pants, lazy Sunday, Nadia
No doubt these fuckers, those two
The Lonely Island, fuck yes
They're the truth because they speak for the people
There's no way I'll let my kids listen to it
They're Satanists and they should be boycotted
Around the country today citizens bring any known Lonely Island
paraphernalia
Now here they are, the first men to become pregnant
Ah, leave up out the crew
The Lonely Island, the 47th president of these United States
And today as The Lonely Island was beaten to death with their
own dicks
Outside at Old Man Strip Club
I see thousands of people, why they have to desecrate the body?
We're on the 3-18, at least 300 are waitin in front of the
quadrant
And there are thousands in all the fearsome moments
Oh my God, The Lonely Island are a lot
We're removing the fans from their various cools and heading
back into the studio
The Lonely Island will continue to entertain us
After experience like this
God only knows what they will create


8.Go Kindergarten

feat. Robyn


Party people (party people)
We have taken control of your minds (your minds)
So get on the floor (oh yeah)
'Cause it's time to kick up dirt, now let's work

Hey we're gonna dance tonight, okay?
We're all shining bright, let the music take you away
Don't ask questions, just do everything we say

On the floor, ladies shake that ass
Shake that, shake that ass, work it, twerk it, drop it fast
Fellas, whip your dick out whip, whip your dick out
Indiana Jones and whip your fuckin' dick out
Now punch your friend punch, punch your friend
Get on the fuckin' floor and punch your best friend
Your butt look flat make that shit flap
Use the art of perspective, or hide it in a hat
Go stupid, get stupid because we said to do it
Go dumb, eat garbage we goin' kindergarten

Yeah you know, some of it might seem strange
But don't think, just obey
Let the music play, 'cause we put it in the song
So do everything that we say

Have a motherfuckin' baby on the floor
Raise it in the club, homeschool it by the door
Now be ambidextrous fuckin' ambidextrous
We'll come around and test you
It's no biggie on our checklist
Now ladies, whip your dick out whip, whip your dick out
Don't ask how, just fuckin' figure it out
Now make your booty speak teach that ass English
Make it suck helium and (talk like this)
Now eat the banana potassium for stamina
Then build a school, burn it down
Get on the floor and do it now
Fuck a house, eat a shoe, all because we told you to

So raise your glass, then break the glass
Then stomp your bare feet on the glass
Champagne perks, popping mollies
Middle fingers up, now chop 'em off

Then pose nude for a family friend
(And never speak of it again)
The party's here, and you can't escape
(So just do everything that we say)
Go Tommy, be brainless
Here we are, entertain us
Get stupid, go moron
We goin' kindergarten


9.Hugs

feat. Pharrell Williams


night!
hug? Trick, you better think again.

WE. ARE NOT. GENTLEMEN.
Yo - I'll hug a girl like it don't mean nothin'
Then turn around and start huggin' her cousin.
I don't love 'em, end of the fuckin' discussion
Got 'em tucked between my wings like Thanksgiving stuffing.

She wanna hug from behind - I did it.
Then her friend jumped in - I'm wit' it.
I hug 'em tighter than a tube top
After that, it's just a matter of time
Before the other shoe drop.

I get more hugs than Oprah selling drugs,
And the drug was pure X - no!, Mary Jo Sex.
Just hugs.

Don't get mad, girl. We get mad girls,
And we're hugging all over the world.
So don't catch feelings, it ain't love.
We're just the kings of giving out hugs.
And if you wanna settle down, you know you got us all wrong,
So we on to the next one, no disrespect, hon
But you can't hug a rolling stone.

You can't hug a rolling stone cause it'll crush you.
Begging me to hug you again? That's when I shush you.
On an airplane, at a Knick game,
Feel the same damn thing when I hug them,
Which is nothing.
Can't trust them, lose all respect when I hug them.

Now guess who's back in the motherfucking house
With a fat hug for your sweater and your blouse.
Hugged so many ladies, arms shaky and shit,
Because I'm the Wilt Chamberlain of the upper-body grip.

Cause I get more hugs than a batch of puppy pugs,
Sitting on a fluffy rug, getting tickled touched and rubbed.
(OH SHIT!)
Real talk, like you chatting with a fisherman.
Wrap these chicks up like a motherfucking swisher, man.

This ain't love girl, because this hug world
Is just a big Game of Thrones.
We the king of the castle, got arms like a lasso.
But you can't hug a rolling stone.

I been hugging on your mama,
Especially when your daddy's gone,
Wearing his pajamas,
I know you thinking that is wrong.
I don't care what some does,
I'm concentrating on her back.
I just wanna hug your mama in her Subaru hatchback.
Put her in a figure-4, yes I'm a hug gigolo.
Now she tells her tupperware friends to let their sisters
know...

...that I give more hugs than Atlas had shrugs
(Brush my head on her shoulder)
While your man mean mugs

We had fun, girl. But don't get swung, girl
Just because I hugged you raw.
We can do a group thing, bring Sarah and Suan
And we can have a hug-a-trois.
So quit trying to own my hugs
I gave you these arms on loan
So come give me a hug,
The waistline and above.
When push comes to shove,
You can't hug a rolling stone.

Hug yo' bad P, bitches.


10.Spell it Out

Yo! It's The Lonely Island
We got our man Jorm
Kiv's in the house
And me? You know who the 'f' I am
And if not, let me spell it out
They call me
DUDETHATHASSEXWITHPIGSFORMONEYBUTONLYASASIDETHINGRIGHTNOW,I'MJUSTSHORTONCASHANDHAVEIRONSINTHEFIREBUTINTHISECONOMYIT'LLHAVETODOMYNAMEISLENNY
(What! What! What! What!)

No wait, that's gross


11.Where Brooklyn At? (Interlude)

Yea, it's not as good as their first album but there's some
funny stuff on it
I disagree
I think they're all wack
Excuse me young people
Yea
Perhaps you could help me, I'm a bit lost
Sure, no problem
Where Brooklyn at?
You take the Williamsburg Bridge or the
Where Brooklyn at?
What? Are you actually asking if
What about Queens?
Are you serious right now?
What about Queens?
Puerto Rico hoe
Oh oh, we're not Puerto Rican
Puerto Rico hoe
Actually I'm quarter Puerto Rican
I didn't know that
Whatever, it's not a big deal
Puerto Rico hoe
Yea, I'm just realizing this guy's crazy
Where Brooklyn at?


12.You've Got the Look

feat. Hugh Jackman & Kristen Wiig


(Yeah, oh yeah. You got the look.)

Girl - you got the look (you got the look!)
You're rolling up in the party with one titty out (one titty
out)
Oh girl, you got the whole damn place shook up (you know you got
it shook)
The way your booby be breathing,
It makes me wanna scream and shout, yeah yeah yeah

Damn, girl - you rockin' that thing.
With no support, just watching it swing.
May be a mistake, but now she just owning it;
'Ay carumba!' titty girl, you Matt Groening it.

I like to think you been looking in the mirror,
Said to yourself 'something's not right here;
Time to shake things up!' so you shook one out.
Your hair wasn't working, so you took one out;
A titty.

You're rocking one solo titty, and that's your right.
Now you're running this city with one sexy titty
All damn night.

She got legs and she knows how to use 'em.
Also got one titty out - sounds so confusing!
Proving she knows how to get attention;
One laid-back titty with no pretention.

A strong choice, or just a mistake?
A strong choice, or just a mistake?
Is fashion really what she's all about?
Intentional, or does she even know it's out?

Girl, you're the center of attention.
Tell me, is that good or bad?
Cause if it's not on purpose, it would be really sad.
Girl, strutting on down the catwalk,
What will the people say?
I've seen into the future, and the look is here to stay.

Now wait a second...
Why's it always gotta be the ladies taking things out?
(Jackman: mmm, whatcha have in mind?)
Something like this - groove:

Boy, you got the look;
Rolling up in the party with one ball out.
(TLI+Jackman: ewww, gross, etc etc)
Oh... yeah, that's gross.
Sorry.
That is not the same thing.
Nobody wants to see that.
I was wrong. I'm a jerk, sorry everybody.

I'm humiliated!


13.I'm a Hustler (Interlude)

Well I'm a hustler, that's just what I do
I'm always hustling on the avenue
I can sell water to a whale
Or even a shell to a snail
I'm a hustler, life of a hustler, that's me
I've been this way since I came out my mama's purse
I'm always thinking of a scheme
And I'm good at what I do
And I know a thing or two about hustling
You have to be born with a certain swag
Like je ne sais quoi, that makes hustling be bad
Hey, at 8 years old I got my hood pass
Then at 9 I got my first keys 10th ave
Ice to an eskimo, spaghetti to a rock wall
I know that sounds racist, it's just how I talk
In the crap game, I am the number 1
I wouldn't ass around, you'll get your money taken
I'm may and gay around my patch
Never talk to me on the phone, that's real G doing his thing
I'm hard to kill
Attention, cooking up crack
Let's do it anyway, that's really hardcore


14.I Run Ny

feat. Billie Joe Armstrong


Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of New York
Good morning, it's been brought to my attention that many rap
artists claim that they run New York
But this is not the case
In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like
Please excuse the profanity in advance
Hit it!

I run New York!

New York, big city of dreams and you know that I run this town
(I run it)
King of the streets, dressed in concretes,
Skyscrapers on my crown.
So if you want this Big Apple,
Come try to take a bite,
Cause I run this motherfucking city and
I won't give it up without a fight.

Yo, I run New York - it's a pain in the ass!
The city's crowded as fuck, and it's covered in trash.
And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face;
Another transit strike? Oh fucking great!

I can't wait
To have another meeting with the labor union
So the mob can bend me over
And then shove their fucking shoe in.

But I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latté.
I literally run New York, and it's exhausting.

I run New York, it's a fucking headache.
It really wears you down.
In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit,
It's a miracle I don't drown.

I double-literally run New York:
I run the marathon.
Plus I organized it,
So I double-run the marathon.

But no one seems to give a fuck that I'm a paragon.
Instead they Photoshop me so
It's looking like I wear a thong,
And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone.

I went to the Knicks game, and
They booed me on the jumbotron!
Excuse me for trying to help you;
They won't be satisfied until I'm
Locked up in Bellevue.
I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick.
I run New York and it feels like shit.

The chief of police is a major bully,
He laughs at my ideas. (He's a jerk!)
He made fun of my tie last week,
And I had to fight back tears.

Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit
Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick.
But at night I travel down into the subway,
Wearing chainmail, locked and loaded for gunplay,
And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats.
If I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that?
I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one.
That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun.
Because on the equinox, a Hell Gate springs,
Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings.
And no one even knows! They just think I'm a dork.
But I still kill those fucking dogs, because
I RUN NEW YORK.

I run New York, it's a shitty gig
There's no overtime in my pay. (Bullshit!)
I asked this city for a fucking bonus,
And they said 'no fucking way!'
So rotten is this Big Apple,
It's crawling with worms inside.
But I run this motherfucking shithole city,
And it makes me wanna die.

I RUN NEW YORK!

Thank you.


15.I Don't Give A Honk

Nowadays, everybody's using curse words.
Seems to me like it ain't necessary.
Yeah, so when I get steamed,
Yo - I tell 'em like this:

I don't give a honk, I don't give a honk,
And if you think I do, my friend
Then you're wronk.
Your crocodile tears can go and got gonk.
You think I'm a funk, but we don't give a honk.

I'm a wild child and I'm on the loose,
Giving less of a honk than a Muslim goose.
Saw a broken car horn and its honk was faint,
Man if I was Senator, it'd be a honkless state.

Yo, I drove past a rally saying 'Honk For Peace',
So I took out my gun and shot 'em all in the knees.
I don't give a honk! You picked the wrong dude.
If a honk was my virginity, consider me prude.

I consider it rude to have honk-spectations,
Only thing I give a honk is a long vacation.
On a long space station, can't hear you scream
And they sure can't hear you honk, know what I mean?

Yo we told you before: we don't give a honk,
And saying that we do is just simply ridonk.
You could try to buy us off with your pesos and francs,
But your money means nothing - you could take it to the bonk.

Man, I'm stingy when it comes to my honks (me too)
I literally stick 'em to my body with glue.
Good thinkin' Abe Lincoln, you're a real smart cookie.
Teach a class about giving a honk? I'm playing hooky.

Now what you gonna do with all your honks?
Gonna dive in and swim like Scrooge McDonk.
Cause for a honk I'd bite a chunk out of a Buddhist monk,
And at his funeral, everyone will sing this sonk.

Yo we told you before: we don't give a honk.
Got a theory that we do? Well your theory's debunked.
Save the drama for your mama cause your -itis is bronch-.
Our policy is staunch: we don't give a honk.

You know a honk in some countries is considered a food,
And if you don't eat it all, it's considered quite rude.
We all know we're born with 100 honks,
But people throw 'em away like they were Donkey Konks

And the honks are the barrels.
The kings and the pharaohs sing about honks
Like they were Christmas carols.
I'll punch you in the jeans,
But this ain't Lonely Island.
And if I catch you steaming my honks,
I'll get violent.

Yo we told you before: we don't give a honk,
Even if you give us candy like Willy the Wonk.
But don't come for my honks, better know your place.
Mother-honkers honk around and get honked in the face.

This the not honking around crew,
And this not honking around thing is about to go both ways.


16.Meet the Crew

Lonely Island, we got the whole family here
Time to meet the crew yall

My name is Worm, you could call me J August
Ride around town bumpin Fugees in a tortoise

Yo, I'm Artemus Prime, also known as young sandwich
The Lonely Island got amigos like my man John Lanis
Keith in the house but you can call me young dad
Rockin pick Adidas, never wear prat

I'm little Tony, I'm always playin with Max
Make you run out the room 'cause my booty's gang

I want the fat one, they call me Fat Bob
I get all the ladies even though I'm a slob

I'm Piccolo Pete, I'm a part of the crew
You'll know that it's me from the sound of my flute

Hell I'm Sick Eric, I'm always sick
You can catch me on the corner taking antibiotics

They call me Smooth Guy cuz I be drinkin mad smoothies
You think I got my name from my voice, that just ain't soochy

They call me Creepy Z, you know I do my own thing
My rhymes ain't good but I'm fun in small doses

They call me Boring Steven, I don't know why
My rhymes are dope and my whip is fly (it's fuckin awful)

I'm a rich guy, I'm doin this as a lark
My sense of humor is extremely dark

I'm new to the crew and no one trusts me at all
If they'd get to know me they'd see I'm a ball

People call me Tiny, my name is ironic
I'm 12 feet tall, my life is hard

I'm a little lost, is this the right studio?
I work for Rod Stewart, you know what? I'm gonna go

I wear stripes that match the wallpaper
I'm hiding now but I'll surprise you later

Well my name is Greg and I'm on the phone
It was my mom's birthday so I had to fly home

We're the Booty Twins, all we smoking Budapest
Never propses, Budapest is the best

Hey, I'm Rod Stewart, I'm lookin for my tech
He's always wondering off, what a pain in the neck

So there it is, 1/3 of the crew
The rest couldn't be here or phone in
But best believe they are amidst
Lonely Island, we out


17.We Are a Crowd

One! Two!
One two, one-two-three-

(X2)
We are a crowd and we are loud.
We're cheering as a group
At our favorite event.
We're gonna cheer cause we are here.
With all of us together,
We have nothing to fear.

Now all of the ladies say WOO (woo!)
And all of the fellas say CROWD (yeah!)
We're drinking beer and doing cheers.
Been crabs like us for millions of years.

We are all here, we're not at home.
As long as we're together, we can't be alone.

We are a crowd and we are loud.
We're cheering as a group at our favorite event.
We are not one, we are a ton.
There's safety in numbers, so now it is fun.

We are a crowd crowd crowd,
Yes we are a crowd.
And so we shout shout shout,
Because beer is allowed.
And there's no doubt doubt doubt
That we're helping out
Because without-out us there would be no crowd.
WE ARE A CROWD!


18.The Compliments

feat. Too $hort


Ladies, listen up - this song is for you.
You know it's hard out there to find a dude,
But The Lonely Island's got three top-notch brothers.
So sit back and listen while they compliment each other.

My man 'Kiv is the shit.
Dude is thoughtful as fuck, plus his body is ripped.
He's a good listener even when he's exhausted,
And he's crazy hygienic, always brushing and flossing.

But that ain't nothing compared to my main man Jorm',
The most sensitive, caring dude I've ever known.
He's got that sweet smile, he's got that slow touch.
What's the sweet smell? Oh shit, he cooked you brunch!

But hold up, my man Andy's got us both beat!
He makes a skinny margarita that's a wonderful treat.
Plus caramel eyes that are hella disarming.
He ain't no fucking Prince - my man is King Charming.

Jor' you're far to kind, and speaking of kindness,
My man 'Kiv's been diagnosed with colorblindness.
He loves all people, plus he's got the fat dick;
It's like a gold prick, all shiny and thick.

When they pitched me this song, they were kinda vague.
But I said 'fuck it, I'm in' cause they said I'd get paid.
One thing's for sure, these dudes are weird motherfuckers.
So sit back and listen, watch 'em compliment each other.

My man Jorm' fucks all night.
Call him Super Mario, cause he be laying the pipe.
He got the eye contact like only you in the room.
A modern-thinking man, he ain't afraid of a broom.

Yo, you talking feminism? Andy loves that shit.
Plus the femme fatales love him cause he's got good dick.
And he's a giver: donates hella money to charity.
He's also got a great sense of humooooooor - that's personality.

I hate to interrupt, but I gotta interject.
'Kiv grinds his own espresso, has his own panini press.
'Kiv! So loyal when he makes his pack,
That he'll only think of you when he's jacking his dick.

He's a shoulder to cry on when you're down in the dumps.
He's an outfit to try on when you need a slam dunk.
He's an extra stirring hand when you're making a soup.
Take a ride in his coupe, he makes you wanna shoop.

I'm starting to suspect that these dudes are gay.
It's none of my business, they just born this way.
I mean, how many times you gon' mention your homie's dick
But still try to act like this song is for chicks?
So ladies be warned before you hop under the covers,
They might be fucking you but they'll be thinking 'bout each
other.
The compliments, bitch!


19.We Need Love

(Intro)
Hey, what a great day for a swim
Yea, why are you wearing a shirt?
Too many hickies on my neck
Oh, the girl I was with last night scratched my back
So you've also been having sex
Yes

(Hook1)
We need love not meaningless sex
You got a round butt? We're not impressed
So many girls wanna get in our pants
But where not whores, we need romance

(Verse)
Hey girl girl, you look good
I want you to know that I would
Do you frequently
Like riding my hog, it's nothing to me

(Verse)
You're wearing a bra but soon you won't
I'll be the magic man, now you see it, now you don't
When it comes to foreplay I can take for hours
Does that make you horny baby? Austin Powers

(Verse)
My ocean's got motion but also girth
The closest thing you'll feel to giving birth
I'm a butt-man and I like boobs
Put them together and we like you

(Verse)
I don't care that you're overweight
I see your soul and you look great
We love all colors shapes and sizes
Accepts this in a girlfriend who's a fuckin slut

(Hook2)
We need love not meaningless sex
You got a round butt? We're not impressed
Just 2 Don Juans lookin for amour
It could be you if you're not a whore

(Verse)
I'm guy number 1, I'll massage your back
But if you prefer I'll squeeze your rack
If it's your time of the month (eww), I'll call it a night
I'm guy number 2, I don't run red lights

(Verse)
If I was with you I'd need at least 10 rubbers
Your poo tank stink, I don't need another lover
I wear condoms too but when they break it's bad
Take you to the clinic, I can't be no dad

(Bridge)
'Cause we're the freaks of the industry
You a freak, guy 1? Oh you got that D
What about you, guy 2?
Yes, me too

(Verse)
I always get consent before I screw
I'm not a guy who's gonna rape you
Champagne, water bed, satin covers
There you have it, another satisfied lover

There you have it, another satisfied lover
There you have it, another satisfied lover
(Everyone)
There you have it, another satisfied lover
(Come on)
There you have it, another satisfied lover

(Hook3)
We need love not meaningless sex
You got a round butt? We're not impressed
We're 2 Casanovas, not pieces of meat
But pull down our pants, you'll like what you see


20.Perfect Saturday

Yea
This beat remind me of back in the day
Sunshine chillin
Man, tell em about your perfect set yea baby

Walk or pretend, no worries at all
Another sunny day in LA, that's time we roll

Hear my homie J cuz he rolls the blunts tight
Head's still spinnin from the freaks last night

Yea man, you know I got the sticky for sho
And 5 females coming over at 4

I'mma hop in the shower, clean my neck
So I'm the polo sport too to press a stance

Rollin up in the Charger with the suicide doors
Top down cruising as I head to the store

Dreamy house in Bruse, everything that we need
Layin back to the crib smoking endo weed

It's the perfect Saturday, there's knock on the door
Man these girls a bit early, it's a quarter to four

Man we shoot these freaks I'mma see in my bed
Open the door and see my homie Ned

Oh hey guys, how's it going? Wuddup Ned?
I got 911, need to use your head

That's a no can do, ooh your breath is all hit
Yea, I know , now move, I gotta take a shit

Now one more minute, the bathroom was yours
When we got those fine freaks coming over at 4

Fine freaks?! Okay, dude, play it
I'll just hold it and let out small farts for the rest of the
night

Okay Ned, thanks for stopping by
You're welcome

Seriously Ned, it was good to see you
I know

Pete said the freaks are gonna be up any minute
We can do it, let's go
Hey hold on, he's your friend, you should ask him to leave
Because if the freaks come here he cannot be here
Hold on
Shit!
Ah, one second
What time is it?
It's 4, it's them
Who? The freaks?
Yes, get Ned out

Ned you gotta hop out the window
But we're on the 5th floor,
Yes, move like endo
I'm not doing that
Then hit the bathroom on the double
The dubs in my block and you're toyin with some trouble

Look, seriously I'll hold it
I've been in this situation literally hundreds of times
Oh what the fuck?
Oh no
I'm gonna need to borrow some pants
No
You wanna buy some wedding shoes?
Oh hey ladies
Oh my God it smells like fuckin death in here
Hey freaks!
This place smells like shit
It was them
I'm out of here
Back away
Oh you guys blew it

Well that's too bad but we ain't mad
No I thought we got something to show you
It's down this hallway, we open the stall then
A surprise?
Yea man, something like that
So walk out front and don't look back
What's all this plastic? Were you painting last night?
Don't worry about it, just walk towards the light
It sure is pretty
Yea, sure is
Close your eyes man
You're my only friends
*gunshot*

Yea, motherfuckers
You already think you were gonna get out of this without a fart
joke did you?
You wack motherfuckers
You pussy motherfuckers
The fuck yall thinkin?
This is Lonely Island!
Oh cause we got a little paper now?
And you see us on the TV
You think we don't do fart jokes no more?
We were doin fart jokes when you were suckin ya mama's tit
Ya fuck motherfuckers, fuck yall
*fart*